


just close your eyes

by parkrstark



Series: stardust & nightmares [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt Peter Parker, M/M, Parent Tony Stark, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, Talks on Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 04:47:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11821548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: The not sleeping and not eating finally catches up to Peter. And Tony really should have just destroyed the tape.





	just close your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all the good reactions I've been getting from this series. Your reviews are really inspiring me to keep writing. 
> 
> At first, I was really iffy about this chapter but when I was redeading I think I actually kind of like it (I don't like any of my works just bc they're mine but this one is my favorite in this series so far I think...idk
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNINGS:**
> 
>  
> 
> **more flashbacks to that night, some dialogue from the night. The word fag is used twice.**
> 
>  
> 
> **References to self harm, depression, eating disorders and suicide.**

Peter cursed under his breath when he felt the blade slice his skin. He lifted his hand to his mouth and sucked on the spot where he was bleeding. 

 

He has been working on this stupid computer monitor since that afternoon and it still was no closer to being finished. Before Spider-Man, when Peter had time to mess around with electronics, he would have been able to finish this in an hour. 

 

Now he couldn't even concentrate to get the simple parts down. The headache that hadn't left for the past few days was still slamming the inside of his skull at full force. And it was hard to see straight. Everything was fuzzy and he got dizzy when he tried to focus on one thing. 

 

He looked back down at his hand and saw it was still bleeding. Which was weird since it was only a small slice and his healing should have already started to kick in. 

 

He just shook his head and went back to work. He didn't have time to really worry about that. He wanted to finish this computer. It was the easiest way to keep his mind off of sleeping. 

 

Because sleeping was no good. Sleeping was just an excuse for his mind to torture him over and over and over again until he woke up. 

 

The last night he slept, which was too long go for Peter to remember when it was, Aunt May came rushing into his room when he woke up screaming. And she was holding him and shaking him before he was even awake. 

 

Her hands were too hard to tell apart from Dustin’s when he was asleep and especially, reliving the worst night of his life. So he screamed and kicked and threw her off of him. 

 

Her yelp brought him back and he still could remember her looking up at him with horrified eyes. Peter had hurt her. He had tried his best to always control his strength around her but it had taken one nightmare for him to let go. 

 

He locked his door every night after that. 

 

But it was easier to just stay awake because if he started to scream in his sleep again and May came running to a locked door, she would freak out. 

 

As long as he stayed busy, he could stay awake. Even if it meant fixing up a crappy computer monitor that would help him with nothing. 

 

Well, actually it did help him. It was a distraction. A much needed distraction.

* * *

Peter was late to school the next morning. Not because he overslept. But because he missed the freaking subway. 

 

He was out of his room early, hoping that Aunt May had already left for work but when he walked out of his room, she was just setting a plate of eggs on the table. 

 

She smiled up at him and tucked a strand of her behind her ear. “I made you some breakfast. It's been awhile since you've sat with me to eat something.”

 

Peter tried to sleep out. “I gotta run, Aunt May. I have a test first period--.”

 

“Nonsense. You have some time to eat. Most important meal of the day.” She pulled out the chair for him.

 

Just looking down at the plate made him nauseous and it wasn't because of his Aunts inability to cook. He swallowed down that feeling as he walked past the table. 

 

Before he could make it out of the kitchen, Aunt May grabbed his arm. He turned around around to stare at her, hoping that would be enough for her to let him go. 

 

“Eat.” It wasn't a suggestion. 

 

Peter quickly fell into the seat. He wasn't going to ignore an order. Bad things happened if did that. He lifted up the fork with some egg on it and brought it to his mouth. 

 

He chewed and swallowed it, taking much longer than it should have. But May didn't seem to mind. She smiled down at him. “Good, boy.” 

 

_ “Stop kicking or else I'll make it hurt.”  _

 

_ Peter went still.  _

 

_ “Good, boy.”  _

 

Peter dropped the fork to the table and it fell to the floor. Aunt May didn't seem to notice anything wrong. She rubbed his hair and said, “Be careful. I've gotta run to work now. I don't want you gone until those eggs are. And don't try to fool me. I know when you throw your food in the trash.” 

 

She leaned down to give him a kiss and it took all of Peter's self control to not pull away. 

 

“I'll see you after school,” she said as she left the room. 

 

Peter didn't move until a few long moments after he heard the front door close. He pushed the food away from him and shoved himself out of the chair. But he stumbled and fell onto his knees. On his way down, he smacked his head on the corner of the table. 

 

He gasped at the pain and lifted his hand to cover his forehead. He pulled back his hand and saw blood covering his palm. He groaned as he attempted to push himself back up. But it was difficult to do with such shaky legs. 

 

Sure, he always felt weak after remembering that night but this was worse. He knew he was back home and he still couldn't control it. He grabbed the chair and pushed himself up, wavering slightly,  but kept his balance. 

 

The small wound on his head was already trickling blood down his face. He could feel it reach his upper eyelid before he used the back of his hand to wipe it. 

 

Grabbing the plate of eggs, he slowly wobbled into the bathroom. He was starting to think something was  _ very  _ wrong. Because ever since the bite, he hadn't felt like this. He was quick on his feet and had the balance better than any tightrope walker. 

 

But now, he was walking around with the grace and ability of a 90-year-old man. 

 

Getting to the bathroom took way too long but he stumbled halfway down the hall and it took a while to get his bearings again. 

 

Once he was in the bathroom, the first he did was dump the eggs in the toilet and flush the evidence. Aunt May couldn't find it in the trash if it was down the drains. 

 

Then he leaned against the bathroom counter and inspected the cut on his forehead. Instead of seeing the skin already closing up, the skin around the cut was bruising. 

 

“What the hell…” He muttered. 

 

Remembering last night, he looked down at his hand and saw the small scab that should have healed up hours ago. Was it possible to lose his powers? Maybe his body knew he didn't deserve to be Spider-Man and it was shutting off the powers. 

 

He shut the door quickly and stuck his fingers to it. With a deep breath, he lifted his feet up and began to scale the door. Besides for the shaking, he was able to climb like usual. He dropped down to the floor.

 

So there was nothing wrong his powers. Just his healing. That wasn't good. 

 

But he couldn't focus on that right now. He was running late and had 5 minutes to get to the subway before he missed it. 

 

He ran out as fast as he could on his weak legs. He barely remembered to grab his backpack before rushing out of his apartment. 

 

He made it to the station just in time to watch it fly out of the station. “Dammit!” He yelled, smacking his hand against the turnstile. He'd have to either wait for the next subway or start walking. 

 

Usually, Peter would just hurry back above ground and use his new speed to run to the next station and catch the subway. But right now, Peter didn't think he could walk up those steps without falling over. So he leaned against the wall, doing his best to not sit down because if he did, he wasn't going to get up. 

 

He felt his eyes drooping closed but he kept snapping them right back open. There were too many people he didn't know passing him. Sleeping left him vulnerable to anyone that passed by. 

 

He must have let his eyes close and he didn't open them right away because suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. “Son, wake up.”

 

Peter blinked his eyes open even though they burned. His body begged for Peter to just let him sleep. But the unfamiliar face in front of him had him prying his open. 

 

“Son, are you okay?” 

 

Peter looked at the man leaning in front of him. Somehow, Peter had fallen to a sitting position while he napped. The panic disappeared when he saw the uniform the man was wearing. He was NYPD. Peter was safe. 

 

“Did you take something?” The officer questioned, not sounding upset, only worried. 

 

Peter shook his head. “Tired,” he mumbled. 

 

The officer eyed him like he didn't want to let him go. “Are you sure you're okay?”

 

He nodded his head, hating himself for making the headache worse. “I gotta get to school.”

 

“Can I take you to a hospital or--.”

 

Peter pushed himself up. “No, I'm okay, really.” He didn't wait for the officer's response before he hurried, as fast as he could on his unsteady feet, to the subway that was pulling up. That wasn't like his usual luck. 

 

When he finally got inside the subway, he looked down at his phone and groaned when he saw the time. He had already missed three periods of school. He was in so much trouble. 

* * *

 

He walked into the school and passed through the main office. He was so exhausted and he didn't care about this stupid late to school procedure. But he had to go through with it. 

 

“Do you have a late note?” The woman behind the desk asked. 

 

Peter blinked. “No.” 

 

“That's a detention.” She shook her head with a sigh. Pushing forward a notebook, she said, “Sign your name for after school tomorrow.”

 

Peter grumbled under his breath as he scrawled his name down. It was barely legible with his shaking hand. He really had to get this checked out. 

 

By the time he finished signing in and getting the lecture to come to school on time, the bell rang and every kid was switching classes. 

 

Peter made this walk 9 times every day. It shouldn't bother him like this. But suddenly, he couldn't breathe in this hallway with all of these people around him. 

 

He felt like he was back at the party. Where there was hardly any room to walk throughout the house and Tyler was pulling him through the crowd by his wrist. 

 

He struggled to breathe evenly. Now, part of him wished his powers weren't working because there was an overload of his senses and it was making his constant headache unbearable. 

 

He practically fell into his classroom when he reached it. He straightened himself when he noticed the classroom was already half full. He turned his head down as he walked down the aisle to the back row of seats. He took his spot next to Ned. 

 

Immediately, Ned was leaning over and whispering, “Where have you been? You missed Feroni’s test. He's gonna kill you.”

 

“I know, Ned.”

 

Ned frowned, looking hurt by Peter's tone. Peter felt bad but he'd been in a mood he couldn't shake himself out of for days. 

 

“Are you feeling alright?” 

 

“Yes,” Peter groaned in exasperation. “I’m  _ fine _ . Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

 

“Well,” Ned said, slowly, “You haven't really been acting like yourself lately.”

 

Thankfully, before Peter could respond, the bell rang to start class. Their teacher stood up in front of the room and started teaching right away. They had a big test coming up that was a hug part of their grade. But, Peter found himself drifting off again. 

 

He woke back up to Ned poking his arm. He blinked his eyes over at his friend. Ned whispered, “Maybe you should go to the nurse. You don't look so good.”

 

Peter waved him off. “I'm fine.” 

 

Ned shook his head. “You're not fine, Peter. And as your best friend, I cannot let you continue like this. It's time to get help. I mean did something happen--.”

 

“Ned, there is no speaking while I am speaking.”

 

Ned faced the front of the classroom. “Yes, Ms. Tanner.” 

 

Peter thought that was the end of that but the minute their teacher began teaching again, Ned turned back to Peter. “After class, I'm taking you to the nurse.” 

 

“I don't need to go to the nurse,” Peter challenged even though he knew he needed to see the nurse. Even if he was just going to crash on a cot for the rest of the day. 

 

“Yes, you do. I've let go on for long enough.” 

 

“Mr. Leeds!”

 

“But, Ms. Tanner--!”

 

“No, buts. I said not to talk during class. I think you should take a visit to the principal's office.” 

 

Peter felt bad. Ned was only getting in trouble because he worried about him. He stood up to take the blame but gravity was definitely against him. Because the moment he stood up, he was falling to the ground. The last thing he remembered before everything went black was Ned calling his name and his head smashing into the tile floor.

* * *

Tony was in the middle of a meeting when he got the call. Or technically, when Happy got the call. It was an important meeting that Pepper said he had to attend ‘or else’. 

 

They were only twenty minutes in when Happy walked into the conference room. ”I’m sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Stark, the phone is for you.”

 

Tony was grateful for an excuse to get out but he couldn't get too happy before realizing something was wrong. Happy would never let someone get through to Tony, especially during a meeting like this, unless it was extremely important. 

 

The guy at the head of the table who was leading the meeting said, “Excuse me, we're a little busy here.”

 

Tony looked at Happy and saw his pleading expression. “I'm sorry, I'm going to have to take this.” He stood up without hesitation. 

 

“Stark! Where are you going? You must be present--.” Tony didn't hear the rest of his yelling after he shut the door. 

 

“Is it Peter?” Tony asked, afraid of the answer. Happy nodded and held out the cell phone. Tony took it immediately and said, “Peter, are you okay?”

 

“No! He's not okay!”

 

Tony flinched at the voice that belonged not to Peter but to his aunt. 

 

“May, where's Peter?” His worry was only growing because why couldn't Peter call him himself?

 

“In the hospital!”

 

Tony's heart started beating fast. “What happened?” 

 

“He fainted in school. He still hasn't woken up.” May was crying and Tony could only see her all by herself in the waiting room.

 

“Where are you?” 

 

“St. Vincent’s.” 

 

“I'll be there soon,” he replied quickly. He turned to Happy and said, “Get the car started, we're going to St. Vincent’s.”

 

“What about the meeting?” Happy turned to the room he had left a minute ago. 

 

Tony shook his head. That was so insignificant compared to what Peter was going through. “Pepper can handle that.”

 

Happy sighed but dropped the argument and followed Tony as they hurried down to the street. Happy started up the car and he started driving before Tony was even seated. 

 

They made it to the hospital in a few minutes and Tony was rushing out without waiting for Happy. Happy was calling after him because he was not supposed to go running through public where Happy wasn't right by his side. 

 

He kept running though. Peter needed him. He shoved open the front doors to the hospital and went straight to the front desk. “Peter Parker. What room is he in?”

 

“And you are?” She asked, eyeing him. Did she really not recognize him? 

 

Tony sighed heavily and pulled out his ID. “Tony Stark. A concerned guardian.  _ Please. _ ”

 

Once she realized who he was, she was flabbergasted. “O-oh, of course, Mr. Stark. Room 82. Just down that hall.”

 

Tony didn't turn around but he knew Happy was following close behind by the sound of his heavy breathing.

 

“Hey, Tony,” he called between gasps. “Do you think we could slow down?”

 

Tony didn't slow down until he was outside of room 82. He stared at the shut door in front of him and took in in a deep breath. What was wrong with Peter? Was he okay?

 

“You won't know until you go inside,” Happy said softly.

 

Tony glanced over at him wondering if Happy could read minds or if Tony had been speaking out loud. Either way, Happy was right. So he reached out and opened the door slowly. 

 

He walked through the doorway and saw a small kid in bed with May sitting by the bedside. A double take showed that small kid was Peter. He looked years younger like this. 

 

His skin was pale and the dark circles under his eyes looked like Stark level insomnia. He was practically drowning in the blankets around him. 

 

May looked up after hearing the door click shut. She shot up off her chair and hurried to Tony's side. Her eyes were red rimmed and her hair was a mess. She looked up at Tony and said, “I didn't know...How did I let it get this bad?”

 

Tony used to be able to count on his hands the number of times he got hugs in his life. But after meeting the Parkers, he was starting to run out of fingers. 

 

May's arms were wrapped around him and she was sobbing now. “It's my job as a parent to look after him and I didn't even notice how bad he got. Now look at him, and, and it's all my fault.”

 

Tony raised his hand to rub her back soothingly. “It's not your fault, May. Teenagers are impossible to read.”

 

May didn't say anything. She sniffled loudly a few times before pulling away. She rubbed her eyes under her glasses and apologized, “I’m sorry. You didn't have to come...I just didn't know who else to call.”

 

“It's okay. I'm glad you did.” Tony didn't want her doing this alone. Besides for Peter, she didn't have any other family. And Tony wanted to stay in the loop of Peter's recovery. Even if May didn't know it was a recovery. 

 

May took his hand and pulled him over to the two seats she had set up by the bed. “Come, sit down.”

 

Tony turned to Happy before following. Happy nodded and stepped out of the room to stand guard in the hall. Then Tony allowed her to pull him into a chair. 

 

She took the seat next to him. After a long moment, she said, “He fainted in the middle of class. He and Ned were talking and then Peter stood up and just  _ fell _ .” May covered her mouth. “Ned said he tried to catch him but he didn't reach him in time.”

 

Tony's hand fidgeted. Should he be comforting her now with a reassuring hand squeeze?

 

“The school said he had gotten to school late. Almost three hours late. But that was impossible because he was up when I left for work. He was eating breakfast.” She chuckled dryly. “Or so I thought.” 

 

Tony frowned curiously. “What?”

 

“The reason Peter is in here...he's severely exhausted and dehydrated and pratically starving. It sounds like I torture the kid!” She was back to covering her mouth as she let out a small sob. 

 

“It's not your fault.”  _ It's mine. I know what he's going through. I didn't keep a closer eye on him.  _

 

“He's still unconscious because the doctor said Peter's body is catching up on days of missed sleep.” She reached out and took Peter's pale limp hand in hers. “They're feeding him through an IV.”

 

Tony looked at the young boy sadly. Honestly, he thought if he were ever going to have to visit Peter in a hospital it would be because of Spider-Man not because of himself. 

 

But this boy in bed was not Spider-Man. He was Peter Parker. Just a kid. A terrified kid. It was Tony's job to make sure he was okay. But he obviously wasn't okay.

 

“He’ll be okay, May. He'll be okay.” Tony wasn't sure if he was talking to May or himself.

* * *

When Peter blinked his eyes open again, he was feeling slightly better than he had the last time he was awake. A steady beeping dragged his attention to a monitor besides him. 

 

So he was in a hospital. Did something happen on patrol?

 

“Are you with us this time?” Tony's voice came from the other side of him. Peter took his time turning his head to face him. He blinked slowly. “I'm guessing that's a no?”

 

Peter took a few long seconds to stare at Tony before speaking. “What?”

 

Tony looked relieved. “You've been waking up for a minute here or there. Never coherent though.”

 

“Oh,” Peter said, like he understood everything now. But he didn't remember waking up in this bed before now. He looked to the side of Tony where Aunt May was asleep in a chair. She was using Tony's shoulder as a pillow. 

 

“You've been out for 27 hours.”

 

Peter looked back at Tony with wide eyes.  _ 27 hours?  _ “I don't ‘member what happened…” He shut his eyes trying to think hard. 

 

There was suddenly a hand on his and that brought back the wrong memories. The beeping was faster now. And then the hand was gone. 

 

“Peter, it's okay. That was me: Tony. I'm sorry.” 

 

Peter shook his head and reopened his eyes so he could see what was going around him. “You don't have to apologize, Mr. Stark.”

 

“Yes, I do,” Tony challenged with a long sigh. “I should have kept a closer eye on you. I should have known something was wrong.”

 

Tony’s words triggered an onslaught memories from the days before he ended up in the hospital. The nightmares and exhaustion, and the nausea and the starving, and just the need to be  _ okay  _ again.

 

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, knowing it wasn't enough.

 

“Don't apologize, kid. Just next time...please tell us before you pass out in class and give Ned a heart attack.” 

 

Ned. That's right. He had been set on getting Peter help before he fell unconscious. And Peter kept refusing it. 

 

“He came by yesterday. Kept apologizing to Aunt May and I for not realizing it sooner. I think we all kinda screwed up there.”

 

“S’not your faults,” Peter mumbled. 

 

Tony went silent and Peter knew it because he would not stop blaming himself no matter what Peter said to him. Finally, he spoke up again, “Peter…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You have a quicker metabolism that normal teenagers. Do you know what that means?”

 

Peter hesitantly shook his head.

 

“That means you also starve quicker...when was the last time you ate something?”

 

“I'm not hungry.”

 

“No, no,  _ no _ ,” Tony practically snapped. “You are hungry. You need to eat. And sleep. You've been sleeping for the past 27 hours because your body is trying to catch up on the sleep you're depriving it of.”

 

Tony was angry. He was angry at him. Peter hunched in his shoulders, wishing he could disappear. 

 

“And your healing doesn't work without sleep. How many days have you kept yourself up? Didn't you stop to think what could happen if you didn't sleep?” 

 

“I have nightmares,” he said in a small voice, hoping it would be enough for Tony to stop being mad. “They won't go away and I fall asleep and I'm back there with Dustin and I have to  _ relive it all over again. _ ”

 

Tony looked like he regretted opening his mouth. He looked pained as he held out his hand but stopped only a few inches away from Peter's arm. He slowly pulled it back. 

 

“The last time I had a nightmare, I threw Aunt May across the room.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. 

 

“It wasn't your fault.”

 

Peter snorted through a sob. “Yeah, okay.” 

 

“Maybe while you're here, you can tell the doctors what happened. They can get you help--.”

 

“No!” Peter pleaded. Maybe begging would work this time. “Please don't tell them. I'll do anything please just--.”

 

“Woah, slow down, kid. You don't have to...I won't tell, okay?” He looked like he wanted to do anything but promise that but Peter knew he would keep it.

 

Peter fell back to the pillow and let his eyes close. “Thanks, Mr. Stark.” 

  
  


He wasn't sure how long his eyes were closed this time but when he opened them again, Aunt May was awake. “Peter! My baby!” She sobbed and pulled him close to her. 

 

Peter focused on his breathing. His Aunt meant no harm with her hugs. She was squeezing him tightly, but she was allowed to. Peter had scared them. 

 

“Hey, May, let the kid breathe, huh?” So Tony was still there. And he knew Peter was close to panicking.

 

“Maybe if you had woken me up last time he was up I wouldn't have to be squeezing him now,” she argued with no real heat behind her words. 

 

“I was only up for a few minutes, Aunt May. I fell right back to sleep.” Peter came to Tony's rescue. 

 

“I can imagine so. The doctors said you haven't slept in  _ days _ .” Aunt May was angry now. Why was Peter so good at getting everyone angry?

 

“I'm sorry, Aunt May.” He really was. He hated himself for making her worry like this. She did everything for him and gave up so much to give him a good life.

 

She leaned closer to him and ran her fingers through his hair. “It's okay, baby. You'll be okay. I'm not mad. I'm here now.” She kissed the top of his head. “It'll all be okay.”

 

Peter closed his eyes and for a moment he actually believed that.

* * *

Three days after he left the hospital, Peter was eating again like normal. Well, it wasn't entirely normal since the only way he ate was when someone was with him during the meal and made sure he didn't leave the table until he was done eating. It made Peter feel like a child but the headaches disappeared and he didn't shake anymore. 

 

Tonight was Tony's turn to make sure he ate dinner while May was stuck at work. He wasn't even Tony's responsibility and he still had been doing everything from footing the hospital bill to taking him to dinner. Peter didn't want to give him a hard time about it. So even if he still wasn't that hungry, he'd eat what Tony got him. 

 

Earlier that night, when their food was dropped off at their table and Peter didn't dig into his burger right away, Tony cleared his throat. Tony was good at speaking with people and Peter had never heard him stutter over any words. Until tonight. 

 

“You, um, haven't been hungry...and you don't want to eat. Is it because….did Dustin make you...and you don't want to eat anything else or--.”

 

It took too long for Peter to figure out what Tony was asking. But when he did, his face burned in embarrassment. He looked down at his plate and mumbled, “No, uh, no he didn't. I just, I don't want to eat.”

 

“Okay, hey, it's okay. I was just wondering.” He cleared his throat and after a few awkward seconds, he was back to being himself. He changed the topic quickly but Peter couldn't help but think about how that was all Tony probably thought about around him. Just wondering if every little thing he did would upset him. 

 

Not that that was Tony's fault because Peter was the one that couldn't breathe whenever someone got too close. But how was Peter supposed to forget it ever happened if it just kept being brought up?

 

Tony brought him back to his lab to relax. And he hopefully wasn't going to try and convince him to take the suit back. Tony hadn't mentioned it yet but he knew it had to be coming soon. 

 

“What are you working on?” Peter asked when he walked inside the lab. He took a seat at Tony's computer and twirled around his seat once. 

 

“Nothing much. We can put on a movie or something. Just let me put away this stuff. DUM-E hates when I leave a mess.” Tony leaned over to put his tools in a box of tools. 

 

Peter just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really want to watch a movie but he wasn't going to start an arguement with Tony. He didn't really want to do much of anything. But that was a normal feeling ever since that night. 

 

Waiting for Tony, Peter took the mouse to the computer and clicked it on. He typed in the password Tony had shared with him but before he could mess around on the Internet, there was already a file open that stopped Peter. 

 

No. This couldn't be what he thought it was. Tony wouldn't watch this without even asking Peter if he was okay with it. 

 

Peter started at the words  _ PenisParker.mp4  _ and his finger clicked play. Dustin was on screen with Tyler. 

 

_ “Go get him up here,” Dustin said, shoving Tyler to the door.  _

 

_ “How?” Tyler asked.  _

 

_ “Make something up. The fag has a thing for Iron Man. Try that.” _

 

There was a loud crash behind him and Peter whirled his chair around. He saw Tony looked at him with wide eyes. “Peter,--.”

 

“You watched it?” Peter asked, feeling his eyes burning.

 

“Peter, no, I didn't.”

 

“Oh, but you were thinking about it! That's why it's in your computer.” Peter tried not to listen to the voices behind him. Now Peter was in the video and the worst part was coming up. 

 

“I'm sorry, I was just keeping it safe!” He saw Tony's eyes flick from the screen behind him then back to Peter. 

 

“Keeping it safe?” Peter roared. “So anyone that comes down here can just  _ watch it _ ?” 

 

Tony raised his hands and took a step closer. Peter shoved the chair backwards against the desk. Tony stopped moving. “No one but us and Happy comes down here. And you're the only other one with my password.”

 

Peter could barely see through the blur of his tears. He could hear Dustin again with his moans and grunts. He could hear himself crying. But this time it wasn't in his head. It was coming from Tony's computer where Tony could watch it whenever he wanted. Whenever he got bored and wanted to think of Peter...it was right there. 

 

That sick feeling he thought had finally disappeared was back and worse than ever. 

 

“I thought I could trust you, Mr. Stark.”

 

“You can, Peter...I wasn't-- _ I'm not like him _ ,” he said desperately. 

 

“Then why didn't you destroy it? Why is it here?” Peter squeezed his eyes.

 

“I thought it would help...I didn't watch it, though.” Tony was reaching forward but he didn't come any closer. 

 

Peter just laughed. “ _ Help _ ? Oh, what a help. Let's just watch Peter's worst moment of his entire life like a movie. I hope you made popcorn.”  

 

Tony flinched at Peter's harsh tone. “That's not why I have, Peter--.”

 

“You know what? Fine. You wanna watch it? Go ahead. But I'm leaving. Enjoy your movie.” He stormed out of the lab. He had to get away from Tony and that video. He slammed the door shut and ran to the elevator. Once the doors shut, he fell to the ground and started to sob.

* * *

”Fuck, fuck, fuck,  _ fuck! _ ” Tony yelled as he swiped his hand across the nearest table, sending everything on top flying across the room. 

 

_ “Fuck yeah, Parker. Having fun yet?” There was a small sob. “No? Then where's Iron Man? Your best friends with Stark, right? Why isn't he saving you, huh?” _

 

Tony couldn't listen to this anymore. He stormed to the computer and smashed his fist into the screen. Besides for his heavy breathing, the room was now silent. But what was just on his screen… that was something Tony was afraid he'd never be able to forget. 

 

He should have been more careful. He should have never even put it in the computer. Now Peter had run off somewhere and Tony felt like he was going to be sick. 

 

He hadn't even watched it all. But he saw a few seconds and that was enough for Tony to feel sick. Poor Peter had suffered through the entire thing. He was forced to live through it all alone. Was he worried about what would happen after? Did he wonder if he'd even make the out alive? 

 

He had gone on for days after it happened. All alone. Until he had broken down and came to Tony. He was the person Peter chose to confide in.

 

And Tony had broken that trust leaving Peter all alone once again. 

 

“FRIDAY,” Tony called softly, “keep an eye on his location. Let me know if he heads someone where he shouldn't be.”

 

“Okay, Boss.”

 

Tony fell to the closest seat and dropped his head into his hands. How was he supposed to make this up to Peter? Would he be able to gain his trust back?

 

He needed to. Tony wasn't going to let Peter do all of this alone. Not again.

 

After a few minutes of sitting at his desk, trying to think of someway to apologize, FRIDAY interrupted his thoughts, “Sir, I suggest going after Peter now.”

 

Tony’s head shot up to face face the ceiling. “Where is he?”

 

“Near the Queensboro Bridge, Boss.”

 

“Oh, shit. No, kid, please, God, no,” Tony rambled as ran towards the back of his lab. “Give me a suit, FRIDAY. Now.” 

 

It was only seconds but it felt like hours before Tony was finally stepping into suit. He flew out of his Tower and put all his power into his thrusters. “Is he still there, FRI?” 

 

“Yes, he isn't moving anymore.” 

 

“Phones don't work in water. It would malfunction if it was in water and we wouldn't have a reading, right?” Tony asked in a panic. He was hoping Peter hadn't done the worst. 

 

“Correct, Boss.” Tony wasn't sure if FRIDAY was just saying that to keep him calm.

 

Tony was at the bridge not after too long. Sure with Peter's enhance abilities he could run pretty fast, but it was nothing compared to the speed on the suit. 

 

At the highest point, he saw the familiar red jacket Peter was wearing. Tony breathed a sigh of relief before he flew over slowly. He didn't want to startle him. 

“You know, if you wanted a nice view, I've got a penthouse,” he said lightly, attempting to make a joke.

 

Peter didn't look up; his eyes stayed glued on the cold dark water below them. Tony hovered close by him anxiously. 

 

“I came up here to be alone,” Peter's voice wasn't as angry anymore. Instead, he sounded empty. 

 

“I know.” Tony didn't tell Peter that's what he was afraid of. 

 

He didn't respond so Tony used the time to take a seat next to Peter. There wasn't a lot of room up there but Tony made it work. 

 

He could hear the cars rushing past below them, all unaware of what was going on above their heads. Tony was glad for that because they really didn't need the police coming by and attracting attention. Peter wasn't Spider-Man, he was just Peter sitting on the edge of a bridge in his sweater and jeans. There was no parachute to save him if he fell. 

 

And then, the next day, Peter would see himself on the cover of every newspaper. Everyone would know he was up here, debating the obvious. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Tony said because they couldn't have a conversation until Tony apologized. He had fucked up, he knew that. But he hurt the one person in the world that never deserved to be hurt. And they wouldn't be able to start rebuilding anything until Peter knew the genuine regret Tony had for keeping that video. 

 

Peter's eyes flickered over to meet Tony's and he held the gaze. Peter remained silent but he didn't look away. 

 

“I shouldn't have even had it in the computer. I thought maybe if I knew what happened I would be able to help. But I was wrong to think that.” 

 

When Peter spoke, his voice sounded rough like he'd been crying. “I don't want you to see that. That night is the literal worst night of my entire life. Why would I want anyone to see it? Especially you, Mr. Stark.”

 

Tony hated the hurt he saw in Peter's eyes. 

 

“Dustin...did things to me without asking me if it was okay. And you were going to watch it without asking me if it was okay...” Tony wanted to throw up after being compared to Dustin.  “I thought you would understand how important it was for me to have a  _ choice _ . But I was wrong and I don't have any choices and Aunt May  _ makes _ me sit down to eat but  _ I'm not hungry _ and--.”

 

“Woah, I'm gonna have to stop you there, buddy. May is making you eat because  _ you need to eat.  _ You are a human boy with an increased metabolism. You cannot starve yourself.”

 

“I've been eating. I don't want to...but I do it anyway. Because I can't keep hurting Aunt May.” 

 

“She just wants you safe.”

 

Peter nodded. “I know. And I  _ wish _ I was hungry. The headaches and the shaking and the pain was not fun. I've been feeling better-- in that respect.”

 

“It's going to take a while to get better, you know. It won't happen overnight,” Tony said softly. “There's no advanced healing for this.”

 

“Why not?” Peter whispered, sounding defeated. “I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to feel  _ anything.” _

 

Tony swallowed back the lump in his throat. Somewhere from that night to now, Peter had become depressed. He wasn't the ball of sunshine that Tony had recruited months ago. He lost his light and Tony was going to get it back no matter what. 

 

“I know right now it feels like--.”

 

“I'm a worthless, used, dirty piece of garbage.” 

 

Tony paused and look at Peter but he refused to meet his eyes. After a long moment, he said in a soft voice, “But you're not. Dustin made you feel like that. He wanted to put you down.”

 

Peter kicked his leg and Tony shot forward. Peter looked and him and blinked. Tony held his breath. Peter wasn't going to jump but he had him on edge. Then Peter looked back down at the water and said, “Well, it worked. And like you don't agree with him.”

 

“I didn't watch the video,” Tony said. “That's a promise.”

 

Peter looked back up at him and seemed to be thinking deeply. “No?” He asked after a few hesitant seconds. 

 

Tony shook his head. “No.”

 

“But you still,” Peter tried so hard to stop his voice from breaking. But it didn't work. “You  _ heard  _ it down there.”

 

Tony sighed but nodded. “I heard some of it--.”

 

Peter whimpered and moved over an inch. 

 

“--But I don't blame you. I don't think you're dirty or used or worthless.” 

 

“You  _ heard.”  _ He bit back a sob. 

 

“Fine,” Tony relented. “I did hear a dirty, worthless piece of garbage.” Peter flinched. “And his name is Dustin.”

 

Peter looked at him like he wanted to believe him but he was afraid to. 

 

“I mean it, Peter. You have  _ nothing  _ to be ashamed of.”

 

“Logically, I know it's not my fault...but I just...every time I think about that night, I come up with a million different ways I could have gotten out of it.” 

 

“There was nothing more you could have done. No matter what your brain wants you to think, it wasn't you.”

 

Peter rubbed his nose with his sleeve as the tears kept pouring down his face. After a few minutes with nothing being said, Peter whispered in a sob, “I hate him, Mr. Stark.”

 

Tony's eyes widened. Peter wasn't the kind of person to hate someone. He had to be the purest human being Tony knew. So to hear him say he hated Dustin and  _ mean it  _ was a shock. But it was good to hear. Maybe Peter was starting to blame Dustin instead of himself. 

 

“He took away my life and being me and happy! I don't, I can't even sleep at night because of him. I can't eat. I can't hug my best friend. I can't do anything.  _ Because of him _ . It's not fair.” He was now openly crying now but at least, he was getting it all out. 

 

“He made me become  _ this _ . I don't even recognize myself anymore. He robbed me of, of,  _ everything.”  _ He was started to pull at the hem of his sweatshirt and Tony knew there was something else. He was letting out a lot to Tony but there was still  _ something else _ he couldn't say. 

 

“It's okay to hate him. God knows I do,” Tony scoffed. 

 

“But he shouldn't be able to do this to me. It’s...just getting worse. And I know I shouldn't and I know I won't but…”

 

“But?” Tony encouraged when he trailed off. 

 

Peter's next words were so low and soft that Tony would have missed them if he wasn't wearing the suit. But FRIDAY was able to filter out the wind and focus on Peter's voice. So it was loud and clear in Tony's ears. 

 

“When I think about what happened and what's happening because of it...I don't see myself getting better. Ever. And I don't want to fight anymore. I'm broken and I'm not getting fixed...I just want to...let go.”

 

Tony looked at Peter's eyes, so empty and lifeless, staring down at the water below them. “Peter…”

 

“I'm sorry,” he said, moving back against the metal bridge. “I don't mean that. Ignore me. It was nothing.”

 

Tony remembered all the times he went to Howard with a problem, only to apologize and brush it off a moment later. He didn't want to seem weak in front of him. And half of him expected for Howard to sit down with him and talk to him and assure him that Tony's problems were no burden. Tony would be damned if he treated this kid like that. He had a shitty dad to know exactly how to be a good one. 

 

“Peter, you're feeling depressed and suicidal.” Tony wasn't asking. 

 

Peter kept his head turned around, away from Tony. “I'm not...I'm not gonna kill myself or anything but I'm just... _ done _ . I don't care what happens. Honestly, if I close my eyes and don't wake up again...the thought is a breath of relief.”

 

“ _ Peter _ \--.”

 

“No, Mr. Stark, please. I can't  _ live _ with this anymore. Everyday is the same thing: cry, panic and hope Dustin doesn't come back. And the nightmares, those are the worst. Every time I close my eyes... _ I can't do it anymore. _ ” 

 

Now he was full out crying: heavy breathing, gasping and sobbing. Tony immediately moved closer but refrained from touching him. “Hey, it's okay. It's okay.” 

 

“He broke me,” Peter said between sobs.

 

“No, he didn't break you,” Tony said resolutely. 

 

Peter nodded his head in disagreement but he couldn't get any words out. 

 

“He did not break you, Peter Parker. He pushed you down and you're having trouble getting back up but you'll get there. Just let us help you.”

 

“I don't--.”

 

“You do. Speaking from experience of someone that has been pretty low before...you can't keep it all bottled inside,” Tony said softly. 

 

Peter wiped at his nose and whispered, “Don't tell Aunt May or anyone else, please. I don't want to go to the doctor or be treated differently or anything. I want things to go back to normal.”

 

Tony chewed on his lip. He knew where the kid was coming from: he didn't want to be stuck in a hospital because he was depressed. They could fight past this. Together. “I'll make you a deal, kid. I'll keep this between us for now  _ if  _ you stopping shutting everyone out and you  _ try  _ to get better. If I see you're just getting worse then I know we're going to need more help. And it's not wrong to get it.”

 

Peter sighed heavily. 

 

“That's the deal. Or else I bring you right now to my doctor at the compound.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“I'm just doing this because I care about you, Peter. I don't want to see you get any more hurt. It's time to start getting better.” 

 

Peter sniffled and nodded his head. “Yeah, I know, Mr. Stark, thanks.”

 

“So, what do you--.”

 

A horrible song started playing and interrupted Tony. Peter smiled apologetically as he pulled out his cell phone. Tony saw he had an incoming call from ‘Ned’ (with a highly embarrassing contact photo). 

 

He picked up the phone and said, “Hey, Ned.”

 

Thanks to his suit, he was able to hear the other side of the conversation. “Hey, Peter. I just wanted to call and see how you were feeling.”

 

A genuine smile formed on Peter's face and Tony was so thankful for this boy keeping Peter happy. “I'm okay, Ned, thanks.”

 

Ned seemed hesitant when he answered back, “No, uh, problem, Pete.” He took a long pause before continuing, “And if you ever need anything or someone to talk to...about  _ anything,  _ you know I'll always be here for you, right?” 

 

Peter didn't seem to notice anything different about his friend and he just laughed softly. Not his regular laugh but one that was forced to seem like he was okay. “Of course, I know.”

 

As Peter and Tony continued with their conversation, Tony sat and wondered. Did Ned have some sixth sense about his best friend and just knew when to call and cheer him up or was he starting to piece everything together? 

 

Tony wasn't sure but he definitely wasn't going to get Peter's opinion. He was finally feeling better, if even for a moment. 

 

“Invite him over,” Tony said. 

 

Peter stopped talking to frown over at him. “What?”

 

“Your friend in the chair. Invite him over to the Tower for a movie night...if you want.” Tony knew Ned would be able to help Peter feel like a kid again. 

 

Peter's eyes lit up. “Really?”

 

Tony laughed softly. “Yeah. I'll get us pizza and there's tons of ice cream in the freezer.”

 

Peter quickly relayed the invite to Ned and then hung up after sharing his excitement. He turned to Tony and and said, “Thank you, Mr. Stark.”

 

“Anything for you, kid,” Tony said and he truly meant it. If he had to steal the moon to keep this kid happy then he'd pull a mother fucking Gru and get it done. 

 

They sat in silence for a while until he noticed Peter was shivering. If this were months ago, he would have pulled him close and rubbed his arms to keep him warm. But that was before. 

 

“Can you make me another promise?”

 

Peter looked over at him with a nod. 

 

“If you feel like this again...please don't...just come to me, okay?” Tony felt so helpless as he begged Peter. “I don't care what happened or if you screwed up, come to me.” Tony fidgeted as he continued because taking care of someone you loved was not easy. “And if you don't come to me and you do something stupid and hurt yourself...I don't care; I won't get mad. Just  _ come to me _ . And I'll help you. No matter what.”

 

Peter looked at him with a watery smile. He lifted his arms up but then they fell slowly to his side. The smile disappeared. “I want to give you a hug, but…I'm sorry…”

 

“It's okay,” Tony said immediately. “We’ll get there with little steps.” 

 

Peter didn't look happy. He looked ashamed that he couldn't even give a hug. The boy that wore his heart on his sleeve as it practically jumped at anyone near him was closed up. 

 

But, not for long. Tony was getting back the old Peter. Because this kid looked up at him. And what hero lets their biggest fan down when they need need it the most? 

 

Not Tony Stark. That's for damn sure.

 

**_fin_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

_ “Is this gonna work?” Dustin heard one of the inmates ask Gargan.  _

 

_ “‘Course it is. I've got guys on the inside with weapons from outta this world.” Gargan smirked. _

 

_ Dustin was okay with just sitting back and watching. He wasn't going to piss someone off when he was so close to getting out.  _

 

_ They were being escorted out of their cells down the dark prison halls by three guards. Only, they weren't real guards. They were Gargan’s guys and bringing them to a safe spot to escape.  _

 

_ Gargan had a plan with weapons and a getaway vehicle and a safe house already stocked and ready. The guy was crafty and he had followers. Dustin would be smart to stay on his good side.  _

 

_ “How do we even know this is the right kid?” Another guy asked. He'd been wary and suspicious ever since Dustin came up to the group.  _

 

_ Gargan rolled his eyes. “Toomes, don't be such a pussy. You're just pissed this kid got closer than you did.” _

 

_ Dustin smirked over at this Toomes guy. Toomes glared right back and Dustin’s smirk faltered.  _

 

_ “Some kid in school claimed to know Spider-Man so we're just going to follow blindly. I mean, it's a fucking kid.” Toomes growled, looking angry.  _

 

_ “You want in or not?” Gargan snapped. “We find the kid, get him to give up the Spider-Fag’s real identity and we go after the prick. Little Peter Parker will not be harmed….as long as he cooperates.” _

 

_ “And what? We’ll ask nicely and wait until he says no before we start pulling off his fingernails?”  _

 

_ Dustin laughed. “Oh, we won't need to hurt him to give up information.” He paused and continued when he saw the others staring at him. “All it takes is a stroll down memory lane and he'll give me anything I want.” _

 

_ Toomes narrowed his eyes. “You seem so sure. What'd you do to him?”  _

 

_ Dustin wasn't sure what this guy's problem was. Why was he so set on defending Penis Parker? “He's real cute when he squirms and cries.” _

 

_ It took a moment and then his eyes grew wide. “...You--.” _

 

_ “You fucking dick,” Gargan said but he was laughing. Dustin smiled, feeling proud to have the leader's approval. He liked what Dustin did. It made him seem stronger, more powerful.  _

 

_ Dustin grinned. “Yeah, man. Shoulda heard him beg.” _

 

_ The others, except for Toomes were laughing. “Hey, if you don't mind the audience, we've got a front row seat once we catch the little bastard.”  _

 

_ “You  _ raped  _ him?” Toomes finally spoke up.  _

 

_ Dustin barely spared the man a glance. Gargan rolled his eyes. “Ignore him. He's got a kid so he's feeling a little touchy right now.” He turned to Toomes and said, “He ain't yours. Calm your tits.” _

 

_ “He's somebody's,” Toomes snapped right back.  _

 

_ “Hey, if you've got a problem, feel free to stay here,” Gargan growled. “But I just thought you'd want to get revenge on the fuck that put you in here. You're with us or against us.” _

 

_ Toomes rolled his jaw but nodded. “Fine. I'm with you. Just stop talking about it.” _

 

_ Another man on his left nudged Dustin’s arm. “Yeah, bro, you can tell us how tight he was later when Dad goes to bed.” _

 

_ Dustin laughed and ignored the glare from Toomes. He was doing well in front of Gargan and that's all that mattered. They found it funny and we're even jealous of what he did. That gave him power in the group. He could talk shit about Parker and that night if it meant he stayed safe.  _

 

_ It was actually easy. Once he started telling the guys about it, it was hard to stop. The conversation didn't end until they ran out and had to keep quiet. Alarms didn't even go off as they ran out of the gates and into an awaiting car.  _

  
_ Then the joking started back up and for the first time in a while, Dustin felt like he actually belonged. _

**Author's Note:**

> I really hoped this was a good chapter. 
> 
> I had a different take on Toomes. Ik in the movie he was ready to kill Spider-Man but I think after Peter turned him in and he lost his family, he realized what was important in life. And I don't think he would be okay with a kid being raped. Especially Peter. (But at least Peter has someone on his side in the bad guys group) 
> 
> And Dustin fits in with all these low life prisoners because that's all he is. And he just gets worse. Sorry. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought below:)


End file.
